iloveu.txt

June 19, 2024

WHO LET U BE SO CUTE??? Who let you be so lovely? Before I thought I would never fall in love, never be loved, that it was difficult or scary or that it was just something I could never learn. But now I know that all one needs to know about love is the soft quiet as we doze off together, the sunny rays around your eyes when you smile, the tilt of your head as you laugh, the perfect, warm curve of your neck and shoulders.

And even though I know I know it now, and it's changed me so much, I hope to learn it again and again, to leave myself behind over and over as I continue to feel this way and have it change me... to love and to be loved is to rest, to learn your love is to feel myself unfolding. I love you fiercely, with more vigor than I've ever had for anything else before. Love feels like a gap in time: nothing else really matters, the world falls dead in comparison to you. Love feels like time leaking out between my fingers: I always need more, I frantically press my hands closer together in an attempt to prolong my time with you.

I love you so much. I'm really excited to see u when you come back from work today :3

 <3 cutie.txt

June 20, 2024

Last night you were soooo comfy :3 I didn't sleep well and I kept waking up from really bad dreams but everytime I woke up I saw you and felt better. I hope I didn't wake you up every single time I started squirming around to snuggle up to you again lol

When my brother was in the NICU they told us that direct skin contact helps babies heal faster; they called it kangaroo care ehehe. It's supposed to help babies temperature and breathing and stuff so they get used to being outside. In humans in general it's supposed to increase your oxytocin. IDK how. I also don't rly know what oxytocin is supposed to do other than encourage intimacy-related human behavior and childbirth 0_o.

It's kind of crazy every time I learn about some weird hormone or behavior that we specifically evolved to have to keep humanity alive. I'm sure a million other mammals do something similar, though. It's just that people don't usually know how to connect the science with the things we feel because they don't understand one of those things. Or both. I understand both the science and emotion and knowing that things just happened to pan out to work this way is nuts. Is the reason why I feel more comfortable with you than anyone else also by design? Maybe something just destined us to be perfect for each other. Nothing destined us to happen to meet, though. I'm really glad we met. The fact that we met and are together now is one of the most precious things to me...

Work is so boringgggg. But it feels easier to do than it did before we were together. Now I have more important things to look forward to; life really is just the moments I get to spend with you... everything else in between is just whatever. Also I know if I get this stuff done I can get a cool job and have fun doing research with you. It's just really boring right now :/